For Brad · copywriting review
Copy recommendations for sales and ROI
Round 5 (Sept 27): Brad answered the questions in section C. The answers are applied in v0.9.88; see Versions.
Round 4 (Sept 27): Brad’s decisions are applied. Section A lists what changed, section B answers Brad’s question about what the NIH research lets us say, and section C lists what’s still open. The original recommendations follow, unchanged, for reference.
A. Round 4: what changed
| Area | Now on the site |
|---|---|
| Offer | “Save up to 70%” everywhere. The popup teases up to 70% + FREE shipping + a FREE Starter Kit (no extra 10%). The footer matches, and the SMS fine print is gone. “Save 16%” is gone from the bar, menu, buy box and shop page. |
| Guarantee | One policy everywhere: unopened bags, 30 days, customer pays return shipping. Banner, buy box, cart, FAQ and the refund policy page use the same words. “Risk-free” became “money-back guarantee”: with return shipping on the customer, “risk-free” isn’t accurate. |
| Proof | The testing band is a sample panel (what the lab will test, results pending). Grüns’ 70/4/16/9 numbers are gone. “Clinically proven” became “Research-backed. Customer-loved.” with survey placeholders. Review and order counts stay as placeholders. |
| Claims | Removed or rewritten: “fight Staph and MRSA”, “world’s first”, “deadly”, “clinically proven / backed / tested”, inflammation, brain and energy, “they’re effective”, “vitamins shown to fight bacteria and viruses”, “protection” on Gifts, fewer sick days, reflux. Lines that describe the research keep their LEGAL tag. |
| Homepage | Hero line 2: “Your support starts inside.” New subline for Brad to judge (see C). Staph badge: “1 in 3 carry staph in their nose”, sourced to the CDC. Bundle tiles show per-bag and per-day prices. Wheel: “Staph is everywhere. So are we.” “Made for…” strip near the bottom. Press ticker unchanged. |
| Buy box | Research-backed checkmarks, refill benefits with the real per-bag saving, new one-time negatives, rewritten “Why Staph Aid?” and “Science & Certifications” (the trial described with its citation). Main button stays “Start Now”; other buttons say “Save Up To 70% + FREE Kit”. |
| Product page | H1 “Staph Aid Spore Probiotic Capsules” with “Proprietary spore probiotic formula · 17 billion CFU”. Calm Invisible Threat copy, the curtain stat with its source next to a nurse photo, plain clinician disclosure, shipping FAQ fixed. |
| Brand first | Bacillus subtilis is out of every title, the H1, the hero and the blog calls to action. It stays in the ingredients, supplement facts, FAQ and the Science page, where the research has to be described accurately. |
| Other pages | Gifts hero and bundle lines, “surprise gift in every refill”, cart savings line, How it works claims, Science citations, five new FAQ questions, typos, and the Google titles and descriptions from section 7 (without the ingredient name; no “Sacramento” on Our Story). |
| Video | The 60-second explainer sits in the Science page’s video slot. |
| Testimonials | Rewritten without disease claims and tagged SAMPLE. See C: these can’t ship as written. |
B. What the NIH research lets us say
The 2018 study (Nature, NIH-led): 200 people in rural Thailand. None of the people with Bacillus in their gut carried staph. In mice, B. subtilis given every other day cleared staph from the gut. It works by blocking the signals staph uses to coordinate (fengycins interfere with quorum sensing). In people this was an observation; the cause-and-effect was shown in mice.
The 2023 trial (The Lancet Microbe, phase 2, double-blind, randomized, placebo-controlled, funded in part by the NIH): 115 adults in Thailand who already carried staph took B. subtilis MB40 (250 mg once a day) or a placebo for 30 days. Staph in the gut fell 96.8% and in the nose 65.4% compared with placebo, with no difference in side effects. It measured colonization, not infections.
We can say:
- Staph Aid is built around published research on spore probiotics and staph (true if the formula was developed from it).
- A factual description of the studies, with the citation next to it: who, how many, how long, what changed, and that they measured colonization, not infections.
- Structure and function wording with the FDA disclaimer: “formulated to support skin, gut and immune health*”, “Vitamin C supports normal immune function*”.
- “Spore probiotic”, “17 billion CFU”, and “third-party tested” once the lab report exists.
We can’t say:
- “Designed to fight Staph and MRSA”, “prevents infection”, “kills staph”. Staph and MRSA infections are diseases, and a supplement can’t claim to prevent or treat a disease. It doesn’t matter that it’s technically what the formula was designed around: the FDA and the ad platforms judge the words, not the intent.
- “Staph Aid reduces staph”, or the trial’s 96.8% / 65.4% next to our product, unless Staph Aid uses the trial’s strain (MB40) at its dose (250 mg a day). The FTC expects evidence on the same ingredient, strain and dose. Even with a match, “reduces staph colonization” sits close to a disease claim and needs a lawyer’s sign-off.
- “Clinically proven”, “clinically tested”: there is no trial on Staph Aid itself.
- “World’s first”: a “first” claim needs proof that nobody did it earlier, which is hard to prove and easy to challenge.
Brad’s other question was whether it hurts to hide the ingredient name. It doesn’t hurt the claims. The one place the name has to appear is wherever the research is described, because the research is about that ingredient. Before any paid ads run, have a lawyer who knows FDA and FTC supplement rules read the product page, the Science page and the ads. This guide is a copywriter’s read, not legal advice.
C. Still open for Brad
- Guarantee: the transcript picks Option A (“even if the bag is open”) but also says unopened bags only. The site follows the unopened rule. Confirm, and say whether it applies to every order or only the first.
- Strain and dose: does Staph Aid use B. subtilis MB40 at 250 mg a day, like the trial? This decides how much of the research we can put next to the product.
- Hero subline: “The daily spore probiotic built around the staph research, formulated to support skin, gut and immune health from the inside.” Keep or change?
- Compare-at price: “Up to 70% off” is measured from $49.99 a bag. Has Staph Aid actually sold at $49.99? Discounts from a price nobody paid break FTC pricing rules and several state laws.
- Gift cadence: the site says “a surprise gift in every refill”. The transcript also says every month, but the 3- and 5-bag bundles ship every 3 and 5 months. Which is it?
- Testimonials: the three rewritten reviews are placeholders. Rewording a real customer’s review is a fake review under the FTC’s 2024 rule. Before launch, pick real reviews that don’t make disease claims and quote them word for word.
- Press ticker: left as it is. I do recommend one caption line under it: “Headlines about the research on spore probiotics, not reviews of Staph Aid.” Without it, the quotes read as coverage of our product. The Science and How it works pages already carry that line.
- Explainer video: it still says “Protection is here” and lists “Energy & Focus”, both cut from the site this round.
- Clinician reviews on the product page are treated as our own claims (“prevent them from colonizing”, “eliminating the internal reservoir”). They need the same legal pass, and one of them mentions prebiotic fibers, which aren’t in the formula.
- Free shipping: the FAQ says free on US orders over $25, but a single refill is $24.99.
- Live Shopify refund policy still says “no returns on sale items”, and everything is on sale. It needs the same update as the prototype’s policy page.
The original recommendations (Sept 27, before round 4):
One theme runs through the whole list: copy that ads can’t run is copy that can’t scale. Google, Meta and payment processors reject disease claims (“fights MRSA”, “deadly”, “clinically proven”). Every rewrite here keeps the staph story, which is why people buy, and stays inside “formulated to support”.
1. The ten changes that matter most
- HighOne offer, said the same way everywhere
Visitors see “Save up to 70%” (banner, hero, tiles), “60% off” (popup and footer), “Save 16%” (buy box) and a $49.99 “regular” price. Mixed numbers make people stop and wonder which one is real, and some leave. Lead everywhere with “Up to 70% off + a FREE $70 Starter Kit”. Make the popup an extra first-order code (for example “extra 10% off”) instead of a competing 60%.
- HighMake the guarantee say one thing
The banner promises a refund “if you don’t experience noticeable improvements within 30 days, no questions asked”. The FAQ says unopened packs only, minus $5 return shipping. A buyer who opens a bag and asks for a refund will feel misled, and that turns into chargebacks and bad reviews. Choose one policy and use the same words everywhere. If the numbers allow it, “30 days, even if the bag is open” is the version that sells.
- HighOnly proof we can stand behind
The testing panel (70 pesticides / 4 / 16 / 9) is Grüns’ own data, not ours. “15,732 reviews” and “100,000+ orders” can’t be confirmed from the store’s analytics. “Clinically proven results” sits over placeholder numbers. Borrowed or unverifiable proof is the fastest way to lose a skeptical buyer, and a legal risk. Swap in our lab results, our real review count, and research wording we can cite.
- HighPromises that ads can run
“Designed to fight Staph and MRSA”, “deadly”, “clinically proven” and “reduced inflammation” are disease claims. Google and Meta ad review, payment processors and the FTC all flag this kind of language. Copy that can’t be advertised can’t scale. The rewrites below stay inside “formulated to support” and keep the staph angle as the reason people care.
- MediumSpeak to everyone staph touches
Staph isn’t a niche problem: about 30% of people carry it, and anyone can get an infection. The site should say so plainly and then name the people who worry about it most: families, older adults and the people who care for them, nurses and healthcare workers, people with skin infections or boils that keep coming back, and athletes. Add a “Made for…” strip that links each group to its blog topic, and add a family option to the quiz popup. People buy faster when they see themselves in the copy.
- MediumButtons that say what happens
“Start Now” and “Learn More” don’t tell the buyer anything. Buttons that show the price and the gift win more clicks: “Start My Refills: $49.98 + FREE Kit”.
- MediumUse the words people search for
The biggest searches are everyday questions: “staph infection”, “MRSA”, “is staph contagious”, “what does staph look like”. Google hides their volume in Keyword Planner, but they dwarf everything else. Those belong to the blog’s pillar guide, linked from the homepage and Science page. On the product page, use the product words people search for: “bacillus subtilis probiotic” (~2,900 a month) and “spore based probiotics” (~2,400), not only “Staph Aid Probiotic Capsules”.
- MediumTestimonials that sell without making claims
The FTC treats reviews shown on the site as the brand’s own claims. “Haven’t been sick in months” and “finally broke the cycle… antibiotics” are disease claims. Lead with reviews about the habit, the confidence and the ease, add who the reviewer is (sport, job, months using it), and keep “results vary”.
- LowTell the founder story
Our Story opens with “We’re a brand focused on the health and wellness of our community”, which could be any company. Why did Brad start Staph Aid? A true, specific origin story is one of the cheapest trust builders a small brand has.
- LowFix the typos
“Bacillus Subtilus”, “were show to”, “at least 3 month”, “3/4 days”, “everyday” (as an adverb), “Try Now-Risk Free”, “3rd Party Clinically Tested”. Small errors on a health product read as carelessness.
2. Across the whole site
| Where | Now | Recommend | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Announcement bar | “Save 16% with Automatic Refills · Cancel Anytime” | “FREE $70 Starter Kit with Automatic Refills · Cancel anytime” | Showing 16% right after 70% makes the deal feel smaller. Lead with the gift instead. |
| Popup | “Get 60% Off” / “Unlock 60% Off” | “Get an extra 10% off your first order” (or whatever the real code is) | One number site-wide. The popup adds on top of the main offer instead of competing with it. |
| Footer | “Claim 60% Off!” + “Offer assumes customer has received and uses promotional SMS discount…” | “Get an extra 10% off your first order”, and drop the fine-print line | The fine print tells shoppers the headline price isn’t real. |
| Guarantee (every page) | “If you don’t experience noticeable improvements within 30 days, simply return your order for a refund, no questions asked.” | Option A: “Try it for 30 days. Not for you? Email us and we’ll refund your first order, even if the bag is open.” Option B: “30-day money-back guarantee on unopened bags.” | Has to match the refund policy word for word. Option A converts better. Option B is safer if return rates are high. |
| Compare-at prices | $49.99 “regular” per bag | Use a regular price the product has actually sold at, or show savings against the one-time price ($29.99) | Advertising discounts from a price nobody paid breaks FTC pricing rules and several state laws. |
3. Homepage
| Where | Now | Recommend | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hero headline | “Staph is everywhere. Protection is here.” | Keep line 1. Test line 2 as “Your support starts inside.” Or test a new headline: “The Daily Probiotic Built Around the Staph Research.” | “Protection” implies disease prevention. Keep Brad’s line as the control in an A/B test. |
| Hero subline | “The world’s first supplement designed to fight Staph and MRSA from the inside.” | “Bacillus subtilis and B. coagulans spore probiotics plus Vitamin C, formulated to support skin, gut and immune health. One capsule a day.*” | “Fight Staph and MRSA” is a disease claim, and “world’s first” needs proof. The rewrite names the ingredients people search for (SEO) and stays ad-safe. |
| Rating line | “15,732 reviews • 100,000+ orders delivered” | Show the real count from the review app. If orders can’t be verified, use “Trusted by athletes, nurses and caregivers” | A number nobody can check undermines the rest of the page. |
| Stat badge | “33% silent carriers of Staphylococcus aureus” | “1 in 3: people who carry staph in their nose¹” with a CDC footnote | Same hook in plain English, and it matches the source. |
| Press ticker | Quotes like “a probiotic bacterium can destroy this superbug” with no context | Add one line under it: “Headlines about the NIH research on B. subtilis, not reviews of Staph Aid.” | Without it the quotes read as coverage of our product, which is misleading. The Science page already says this. |
| Bundle tiles | “Starts at $24.99” | Add per-bag and per-day: “$14.99/bag · $0.50/day” on Buy 3, Get 2 | Per-unit price is what makes the biggest bundle feel like the smart choice, and that lifts average order value. |
| Clinically proven block | “Clinically proven results you can trust” + XX% skin / inflammation / confidence | “Research-backed. Customer-loved.” Show real survey numbers when we have them. Until then, show three reviews. Drop “reduced inflammation”. | “Clinically proven” needs a trial on Staph Aid itself. “Inflammation” is a disease claim. |
| Quality band | Grüns’ 70 / 4 / 16 / 9 testing numbers | Our certificate-of-analysis results, or “Third-party tested for purity and potency” with no numbers until we have them | They are another brand’s results, presented as ours. |
| New: “Made for…” strip | (none) | Headline “Staph can touch anyone. Here’s who we make it for.” Five cards: At home (families & kids) · Caring for someone (older adults) · On shift (nurses & healthcare) · Skin that keeps flaring (recurring boils) · On the mat & at the gym, each linking to its blog topic | Everyone sees themselves, and the links send readers and SEO value to the mainstream guides. |
| Wheel headline | “From the mat to the locker room” | “From the living room to the hospital floor to the locker room”, and add photos of families, older adults and nurses to the wheel | Brad flagged this for a copy pass. The current line and most of the photos speak only to athletes, but staph touches everyone. |
4. Buy box (homepage and product page)
| Where | Now | Recommend | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Checkmarks | “Clinically Backed” · “Global Certified Facilities” | “Research-backed ingredients” · “Made in NSF-certified, FDA-registered facilities” (if confirmed) | Specific beats vague, and “clinically backed” implies a trial on the product. |
| Refills benefits | “Zero Commitment · Exclusive Discounts” | “Skip, pause or cancel online in two clicks” · “$16.66 a bag, $3.33 less than one-time” | Concrete benefits beat labels, and cancel-anytime anxiety is the #1 subscription objection. |
| One-time negatives | “No refill discount” / “Discount on first order only” | “Pays full price on every order” / “No FREE Starter Kit” | The two current lines contradict each other. |
| Main button | “Start Now” | Refills: “Start My Refills: $49.98 + FREE Kit”. One-time: “Add to Cart: $59.98” | Price and gift on the button cut hesitation at the last step. |
| “Why Staph Aid?” accordion | “…your gut, brain, and energy levels will want to throw a party.” | Cut brain and energy. “One capsule a day: two spore-forming probiotics and Vitamin C, formulated to support skin, gut and immune health.*” | Brain and energy claims have no support behind them. |
| “Science & Certifications” | “…They’re effective.” | Describe the trial with its citation: who, how many, how long, what changed. Drop “they’re effective” unless the strain matches. | An effectiveness claim needs studies on the product or an identical strain and dose. |
5. Product page
| Where | Now | Recommend | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Product headline (H1) | “Staph Aid Probiotic Capsules” | “Staph Aid Spore Probiotic Capsules” with the subline “Bacillus subtilis + B. coagulans + Vitamin C · 17 billion CFU” | Adds the two terms people search for (~2,900 and ~2,400 a month) to the most important spot on the page. |
| Invisible Threat band | “Staph and MRSA are invisible, deadly.” / “33% of people carry deadly Staph bacteria” | “About 1 in 3 people carry staph without knowing it. Most never have a problem. But in homes, hospitals, nursing homes and gyms, it gets passed around.” | Fear language gets ads rejected and reads as scare tactics. Calm and specific persuades better. |
| Hospital-curtain stat | “87% of hospital curtains were contaminated with MRSA within 14 days” | Keep, with the full citation, and move it next to healthcare-worker copy | A strong, relevant fact for nurses. It needs its source on the page. |
| Clinician section note | “Clinicians receive product samples and are never compensated” | “Clinicians received free product to evaluate. They were not paid.” | Free product counts as a material connection under FTC rules. Say it plainly. |
| Comparison table | “No harsh chemicals on your skin” (soaps column) | Keep, after legal review, or change to “Nothing to rinse or reapply” | A comparative claim about competitors needs support. |
| FAQ (product page) | “You could be enjoying improved health just 3/4 days from now.” | “Most orders arrive in 3–4 days.” | A health promise tied to shipping speed is a claim, and “3/4” reads as three-quarters. |
6. Other pages
| Where | Now | Recommend | Why |
|---|---|---|---|
| Gifts: hero | “Come for the protection, stay for the perks.” | “Come for the capsules, stay for the perks.” | “Protection” is a claim; the joke still works without it. |
| Gifts: bundles | “All three protect you. Only one of them shines.” | “Same capsule in every bundle. Only one saves you 70%.” | Takes out the claim and puts the reason to choose it in the line. |
| Gifts: monthly gifts | “A new free gift in every refill” | Name two or three real gifts, or say “a surprise gift in select refills” | A vague promise the store may not keep leads to disappointment and refunds. |
| Cart | (no savings summary) | “You’re saving $99.99 + a FREE $70 Starter Kit” above the checkout button, plus the guarantee line | Reminds buyers of the deal at the moment they might hesitate. |
| How it works | “…vitamins shown to fight off bacteria and viruses” / “without reflux or discomfort” / “3rd Party Clinically Tested” | “Vitamin C supports normal immune function.*” / cut the reflux line unless we have data / “Third-party tested” | Unsupported claims, and “clinically tested” is misleading. |
| Science | “Reaches the gut, where Staph can hide” (soap table) | Keep only with the NIH citation next to it | True to the research, but it needs its source visible. |
| Our Story | “We’re a brand focused on the health and wellness of our community.” | Brad’s real reason for starting Staph Aid, in his words, with a photo | Generic mission lines don’t build trust. A founder with a reason does. |
| FAQ: add questions | (5 questions) | “Does Staph Aid treat MRSA?” (No, see a doctor) · “Can I take it with antibiotics?” · “How is it different from other spore probiotics?” · “Is it OK for kids, older adults or during pregnancy?” (doctor-reviewed answer) · “How long does staph live on surfaces?” (links to the article) | Answers the real objections, earns Google “People also ask” spots, and routes readers to the blog. |
7. Page titles for Google
These are the blue headline and grey text people see in Google results. Today every page title ends in “Staph Aid prototype”, and most pages have no description.
| Page | Title (under 60 characters) | Description |
|---|---|---|
| Home | Staph Aid | Bacillus Subtilis Spore Probiotic, 17B CFU | One capsule a day of Bacillus subtilis, B. coagulans and Vitamin C to support skin, gut and immune health. Up to 70% off + a FREE $70 Starter Kit. |
| Product | Bacillus Subtilis Probiotic Capsules (17B CFU) | Staph Aid | Spore-based probiotic with B. subtilis, B. coagulans and Vitamin C. Vegan, gluten-free, third-party tested. 30-day guarantee. |
| Shop all | Shop Spore Probiotic Bundles, Up to 70% Off | Staph Aid | 1, 3 or 5 bags. Save more with Automatic Refills and get a FREE $70 Starter Kit. Cancel anytime. |
| Science | Bacillus Subtilis & Staph: What the Research Found | A plain-English look at the NIH-led trial of a B. subtilis probiotic and staph colonization. |
| How it works | How Spore Probiotics Work: One Capsule a Day | Staph Aid | Why spore-forming probiotics survive the trip to your gut, and how to build the daily habit. |
| Gifts | FREE $70 Starter Kit with Automatic Refills | Staph Aid | First Aid Kit, 360 Pimple Patches, Hot Cold Pad and Wellness Guide, free with your first refill. |
| Blog | Staph & MRSA Guides: Symptoms, Spread, Prevention | Clinician-reviewed answers about staph and MRSA for families, caregivers, nurses and athletes. |
| Blog pillar | Staph Infections: Symptoms, Causes & When to Get Care | What staph is, who gets it, what an infection looks like, and when to see a doctor. Clinician-reviewed, sourced to the CDC. |
| FAQ | Staph Aid FAQ: Dosage, Shipping, Returns & Ingredients | How to take Staph Aid, when it ships, what’s in it, and our 30-day guarantee. |
| Our Story | Our Story | Staph Aid, Sacramento CA | Why Staph Aid exists and who it’s made for. |
8. What to test first
Once the Shopify store is live and there is enough traffic, run these as A/B tests. A test settles what opinions can’t.
- Hero headline: Brad’s “Staph is everywhere. Protection is here.” vs. “The Daily Probiotic Built Around the Staph Research.”
- Guarantee: “even if the bag is open” vs. “unopened bags”. Watch refunds as well as conversions.
- Offer framing: “Up to 70% off” vs. “Save $174.98 + FREE Kit” on the Buy 3, Get 2 tile.
- Main button: “Start Now” vs. “Start My Refills: $49.98 + FREE Kit”.
9. What we need from you
- Which discount is real for a new visitor: 70%, 60% with the SMS code, or both?
- The refund rule: can someone return an opened bag?
- Where the 15,732 reviews and 100,000+ orders come from (review app, Amazon, all-time sales?).
- The certificate of analysis for Staph Aid, so the testing panel shows our numbers.
- Whether Staph Aid uses the same B. subtilis strain and dose as the NIH trial.
- Your founder story: ten minutes on the phone is enough for us to write it.
*Every supplement page needs the FDA disclaimer next to any claim. Recommendations are a copywriter’s view, not legal advice. Anything marked as a claim should be checked by a lawyer who knows FTC and FDA supplement rules before it goes live. Search figures: Google Keyword Planner, US, Sep 2025–Aug 2026; Google withholds volume for mainstream terms like “staph infection”. Revised Sept 27 to lead with the mainstream audience. See also the SEO plan.